Aspired by a Boy: December 2008

I'm going to live at disney world for this college internship program its gonna be great we get to go on all the rides and stuff free. I don't get to choose my apartment until I get there which sucks because I want the tiniest one/cheapest one they've got so I have more money to spend having fun., but i'll get there late. I haven't got a camera yet but im thinking if I can't find one I can afford one with the tiny check that I get this week then I'll use my credit card which I don't have any money on but oh well I think its just a 30 dollar fee for over the limit fee. Then thats when I'll start my online show on youtube, it won't be great but its something fun to do. its gonna be vids of me singing other peoples song which is so unoriginal, then myself singing my own songs which are very christian and then I'll start a show called comedic teddy where I do random outrageous stuff and then they'll be vids of disney world. I can't wait.

So yesterday was the big step for me on singing in front of a live audience. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. First of all I thought I wasn't gonna be the only one to perform but I was and second I never been so nervous in my life. I went up there wishing it was just a dream and I wasn't nervous then but once I was in front of the mic I was ambushed by nerves. I didn't know how to hold the mic, I forgot my words but thankfully I brought the lyrics in case that happened this was for Gloria, I didn't have a focal point so my eyes were looking everywhere and I was stiff as a cardboard. Then near the end of Gloria I broke into a laughing spell. It was funny because I sung a capella and when I took a pause they would start clapping and I would politely say wait im not done yet which isn't very classy or polite. For ave maria I tried to do one of the high notes and messed it up and everyone laughed and I attempted it again and it was great. They were really nice about it. Oh boy! it was terrible. my job taped the whole thing maybe I can get a copy and share it with you. Im just glad my first performance was at my job with really nice residents who wouldn't mind my mistakes.

I will perform two songs this friday, it will be ave maria caccuni which took me over a month for it to actually sound descent, and then Air ( bach on g ) which I only practiced for two days but you know what Its difficult but Im going for it. My audience is my co-workers and a retirement community so it won't be so bad. I hope I don't freeze up and forget the words. oh boy, I kinda can't wait though. This is so exciting.

I know Im a fan of libera, and its very restricting, You aren't allowed to know anything about them, pretty much nothing at all, Its a smart thing to do though for Libera as a group. You know give them a clean slate so that the fans an make the boys into something they like. Let me tell you, I am not that old and I still remember when I was in middle lets go even younger elementary school and many boys especially if they are popular have potty mouths, and may be rude and disrespectful. I worked as a teachers assistant when I was 17 and so I got reminded not too long ago that little kids aren't all that innocent. I think thats how it is with the boys of libera or any religious boys choir for that matter. I mean I know they are supposed to be catholic but be honest with yourself they're still young and can be easily influenced by their classmates. Yea, I wanted to believe they were nice boys but I think that belief for me is broken now. want an example of the majority of how young teenage boys think and behave?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2gptyTzII0

I had always been confused about the school system in the uk I had no Idea that theirs was different from ours, until I got confused about liberas boys. So I went on yahoo answers here's what I got. so... they are done with school by 16, in ameria you have to work really hard to be done by the age of 16, usually student are done at 18 years old. I wonder if their school system if better? ok Im gonna look up what curriculum they learn and at what age. Because ending elementary at 10 instead of 12 years you're talking two year differene.

Theres 3 levels:

Primary school starting off with reception Age(1-4),
Year 1 - Ages 4 - 5
Year 2 - Ages 5 - 6
Year 3 - Ages 6 - 7
Year 4 - Ages 7 - 8
Year 5 - Ages 8 - 9
Year 6 - Ages 9 - 10

High School
Year 7 - Ages 11 - 12
Year 8 - Ages 12 - 13
Year 9 - Ages 13 - 14
Year 10 - Ages 14 -15
Year 11 - Ages 15 - 16

Sixth Form
Year 12 - Ages 16 - 17
Year 13 - Ages 17 - 18

I made arrangements to record but got cold feet and canceled. Then I made arrangements with another group of friend so far I only have today and tommorow to practice before the recording day. I asked a few dj's if they could help me out by taking the vocals off the songs so only the music remains but they said no, so as a result I want to change my choice of songs that can easily be sung acapella. I won't give up... Those djs are just lazy, those DOUGHNUTS!!!

I heard ave maria and sancte on the new dawn album, and got inspired again to start singing. I don't know how to warm up so I sing random stuff for a while then end it with singing walking in the air and if it sounds right I start practicing.

Here are a few songs that I sing to warm up and help me gain clarity with sounds:

Ema

Ema Emi Emu (X3)

Emu Emi Ema

Pamy

Pamy Piggy Pony (x2)

Pam me me Pig gy gy Po ny ny (x3)

Pamy Piggy pony

Teeter Totter

Teeter totter teeter totter (x4)

teet tot teet tot tot

Teeter totter teeter totter tot tot tot

I got really frustrated at one time and stopped singing. I figured I can't really sing as good as decent as I wanted to believe. Well..... what really happened was I got hold of a voice recorder. AAAAAAAHHHHH!!..

SO disappointing.

Ok, it was my first week at another college. I checked out the libera, Libera cd at the college library but broke it, it was on accident you see what happened was I decided to stand on my bed, jump around and be happy. The cd was on the bed too out of the cover so it got bent. The fee is 25 dollars, I still haven't paid it. I went to check out the art center and YAAAY theres practice room, and tons of pianos, right away I started to practice singing, and the orchestra rooms were the best. I had soo much fun playing with all the instruments, and of course I couldn't resist the drums.

I checked out the angel voices dvd from the library, and decided that Josh. M was my favorite of all of them, well you see my reason for having him as my favorite did come naturally but the dvd was when I realized it for sure. I don't know anything about the boys so of course my reason is pretty shallow, but I like all of them really I do. Oh another thing I like listening to their songs rather than watch them sing, I mean they are entertaining but not what im used to when it comes to performances.

I checked out a Latin-English dictionary so I could make out what libera is saying in some of my favorite songs, it was really confusing, I'm not sure if they are using proper latin er what. I decided to make a name for my self in latin for when and if I go public online with my singing. There were a few choices but my final choice was Humilis( humble) Et ( as) Puera ( child ), Humble as a child. I think it fits.

I didn't mention to my mom my new favorite song artist which is Libera. Also she's unaware of my new interest in singing, I usually have a secret spot that I go to and a nearby park to sing, at that time I was really into three particular songs, Going home, Do not stand at my grave, and I am the day I got hold of the lyrics and typed them on the family computer. So one day I come home from work and my mom confronts me about the lyrics she found she aske me what it was and I told her about libera and how I like those songs, then she went on to tell me what she thought and I was accused of being suicidal. She told me how usually people will leave notes for people ( Omg, she thought those were suicide notes.) She told me she found me a new friend and that she'd call later that day. I finaly get the call and it some girl from the church of latter-day saints. Oh brother, I explained how I am following christ and no Im not suicidal and that those were lyrics to a few songs that I liked. After gettting off the phone my mom told me not to listen to them anymore, well libera that is and that they are satanic, and it will mess with your mind. No matter how much I tried to concive her she pretty much disappoves of libera and its final. At least for now.

So I got a job as a daycare assistant. Im gonna talk about the shock of dirty diapers, Hard to feed babies, and screaming painful to the ear temper tantrums. Did you know that some people choose cloth diapers over disposable ones and what they do with poopy ones is disgusting. Well at first it wasn't too bad if the poop was solid just take it over to the toilet dump and flush, but with mushy juicy poops you rinse it out in the toilet with your bare hands and then if you look in the toilet afterward its brown dirty water not to mention the smell, UH UH im not doin that and fortunately I didn't have to. We got a new infant it was 2 months and they didn't tell me how newborn breastfed babies stool looks like. So when I opened the diaper I was bewildered. It was a yellow liquidy substance and it wasn't urine the other co-workers laughed and my reaction. "oh, I forgot to tell you that what it looks like on newborns". Ok, thanks for the heads up. We had this baby that wouldn't eat baby food out of a jar or drink out of a bottle because it's breastfed all the time and the mother didn't transition the baby it was a pain it took about a whole hour or more to feed, as a few months went by he learned how to spit the food, I came home stained with breast milk and baby food.

I came home for good, I couldn't afford the university so I couldn't continue there I still am indepted to them by about 2,000 dollars. When I came home I didn't want to and I missed living away at college. I pretty much left everything packed and cleaned out my room from top to bottom pretty much throwing half my room away. All I did was sleep, so my mom hurried up and tried finding me a job.

Ok our school didn't have meal plans so we were responsible for our own food. It was nearing christmas break and I didn't have much food at all and so didn't my roomates so all I ate was oatmeal, and corn tortilla with mozarella ( quesadilla), and tea. One of my roomates had 3 cans of biscuits, And the other one had my favorite food french fries, but they were the frozen kind by the end of the semester I ate (stole) 2 cans of biscuits half a bag of french fries and a package of ramen noodles. Whats a girl to do? I prolly lost about 10 pounds that semester.

Our dorms had alot of chinese students and I was friends with three of them one day we did karaoke on youtube. I showed off and did two japanese songs from chobits. I also showed off and did some of their favorite traditional classic chinese songs. They said they never met an american who could do the accent like I did. POINTS!! The next day was a christmas party and I overslept and forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer. The party started in two hours but I tried cooking it anyways I put it in the microwave to defrost for like 5 minutes and gave up on that and just put the frozen chicken in the oven. My roommate was like Girl are you crazy you can't cook a frozen chicken. She was right. When I put the chicken in the oven it was about 2:30pm and it wasn't done until about 7:30 to 8:00 pm when the party was almost over but Everyone ate the chicken and complimented how good it was. I ate normal non americanized chinese food and didn't really like it but I didn't admit that. After the party a few of us stuck around and I wanted to sing some of salve me ( never try to sing without warming up your voice) OH!! I sounded like a train wreck everyone laughed cuz I tried doing that high shrill salve me yea that was a very humbling experience I repented and said I was sorry for being boastful and prideful about my singing.

So I became really infatuated with singing salva me and I would have my secret spot that I go to when I was at purdue. on the third floor their was this really furnished room with a piano and nice couches I would go there to sing, make up melodies on the piano and read the bible. I was really excited about my new voice so I went out into the hall and asked someone who looked like a singer if they can hear me sing because I just started singing and I don't want to be one of those people who think they can sing but they can't like on american idol. So we got to the room and I started getting really nervous and shaking I forgot the words, but I managed to sing. Ok peeps Im really on the shy side and it was a very big step in talking to a complete stranger for about 45 minutes on singing and life. YAAAY!! anyways were both black and so we went on to talk about how other blacks would react to me singing these type of songs cuz us blacks listen to gospel and typically sing with big deep voices. ( I couldn't do that if it killed me). She gave me some really encouraging words and said that I had this special charisma that I'll be something great. So I was even more happy.

I came to know Jesus Christ and gave my life to him. I wanted to listen to christian music. I discovered Imeem.com and searched I came across the song walking in the air some how and it was from the celtic woman. I really loved the song and was curious to how many other people sang it. Thats when I discovered St. Phillips Boys choir, and it snowballed to angel voices and libera. Whoa! I was shocked I had no idea boys choirs still existed besides in french class when I watched Les choriste but then that movie took place way back in the day. I liked the music so I went to youtube and saw how they dressed then got suspicous I didn't know what they were saying and if they were taking a more demonic approach, but It was all good they aren't bad. The first song I tried singing was Salve Me. Their voices are sooo sweet I wanted to start singing. I never understood why people loved to sing or even go to college for singing but now I know. I pretty much sung for the Lord all day and night and fell in love with singing.

Im so happy, I just opened my blog today and it was a very boring one and I didn't like any of them until I looked online and found this one Im not sure if it works you know like the button at the top are for show I think, but I'm happy about my new blog site now. AAAAHH YeaaHHH!

I've been trying to take on the challenge of songwriting, but its really difficult, for me at least. I am working on a song called Moonlight. So far I only have the bridge and the chorus, if you want to help go ahead and give it a try. Here it goes.

Moonlight

Bridge: Moonlight keep the frightening shadows behind me
Moonlight shine through the darkened clouds above me
Reflect my beaming hope within me

Chorus: Hope will never cease
Tears are not forever
Hearts will be mended
Tommorow will come